Living by Intention

30 December 2002---The start of a new year is a traditional time for taking stock, deciding how you want your future to unfold, and resolving to improve yourself.

"People change more often because they feel the heat than because they see the light," suggests executive coach Janet Feldman.

Many people tend to get serious about the discipline of a healthier lifestyle when their doctor insists; they tend to focus on their relationships when they feel them fraying or after some have already slipped away; they tend to focus on the quality of their work when rumors of an impending downsizing swirl about.

Life by Choice, Intent, Design

Necessity need not be the mother of self-improvement. The happiest people tend to be those living their life by design not default.

Living by intention sometimes means interrupting your current trajectory, getting off the path you are on and reorienting to a different destination. No matter your age, history need not dictate destiny.

The place you're heading should always be a *choice* that you made for yourself. And that choice, given the uncertainties of life --- whereby your journey or that of a loved one can be interrupted or cut short by the winds of fate without notice --- should meet one standard.

That compelling standard provides a bright beacon for navigating through life's many twists and turns. And it is simply this, live so that, come what may, you can honestly and proudly say to yourself: No regrets!

In taking a look forward toward your own chosen future, there are two tacks for designing a life that meets the No Regrets standard.

First, honestly assess your satisfaction with how your current path squares with your deepest values and desires. Second, adjust your course so that you remain --- or begin ---navigating to a desirable destination that you've consciously chosen.

Clarifying the Invisible

In assessing your current heading, it helps to clarify and declare to yourself your deeply held beliefs --- some of which you may not have yet fully admitted to yourself, or have kept buried from even your own awareness.

Understanding what you truly value deep within yourself helps you to tune-in to the source of the energy that will propel your chosen future actions. (And it may well reveal the source of your frustration or dissatisfaction with your current endeavors.)

Doing following exercise likely will challenge you to take a fresh and honest look into yourself. As you complete the following set of thought-starters, be brutally honest with yourself, and work hard to strip away:

• Others' expectations. You must live your life for you, not your parents or colleagues or neighbors or old high school classmates.

• Your habits. The pull of oft-repeated actions can make old patterns seem "natural." Your unconsciously repeated actions may not be at all natural or well-suited to embodying your personal values or fulfilling your unique potential. They may be nothing more than familiar because of repetition. Repeating behaviors does not validate them.

• Fears of the unknown, the unfamiliar, or the uncertain. Changing direction, veering off your own well worn path, is fraught with possibilities --- some of them risky or unpleasant. Thinking about trying new things brings into sharp focus the old maxim that, "there are no guarantees in life." But, of course, that applies equally to continuing to do what you've always done!

Admittedly, self-revelation can be a scary experience; but you are just as likely to find that it can be powerfully liberating. And you are much more in control of your life once you understand, as songster Jimmy Buffet put it, "Why the things you do."

THE DRILL

This exercise in self-understanding is straightforward ---simply complete each sentence as candidly as you can.

Thoughtfully consider the issue, while bearing in mind that you are trying to reveal your true inner feelings, not replaying old lines or trying to please anyone else. Overrule any impulse to fulfill old expectations, or to keep your truest feelings safely contained.

Your Current Path

So far, my life has been about...

I am most proud of...

The people who know me best would say that my three greatest strengths are...

I believe in...

The priorities in my life are...

In my own heart, the most important people in my life are...

My life has significance because...

Going Forward

Beyond my immediate circumstances, my purpose in life is...

For myself, I want...

In my relationships with friends, I want to...

In my family, I want to...

At work, I want to...

In my financial affairs, I...

To expand my thinking, I...

As a member of my community, I...

For my physical well-being, I...

For my spiritual development, I...

I want to be known as someone who...

During every day of my life, I want to...

If I could muster the courage, I'd give myself permission to...

The unfinished business in my life is...

At the final moments of my life, I want to be able to say to myself...

From Thought to Action

Now that you have freshly revealed you to you, what are the implications?

How might you need to adjust your priorities in life to live in accord with your true values?

What new actions are suggested by what you've declared to yourself?

What old habits do you need to shed?

How deep is your commitment to living by intention in accord with what you truly believe in your heart of hearts? What will you do about it? When will you start?

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Going through this exercise may be invigorating, frightening, or frustrating. But it certainly should be clarifying.

If you can't bring yourself to take this extensive and intensive look in the mirror right now, remember this: January 1st is but the mutually agreed upon start of the year. When you think about it, a new year begins with each new day. So whenever you read or heed this message, it's a perfectly good and appropriate time to reflect, to assess, to resolve and act anew.

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A toast: To a healthy, peaceful, and intentional new year ahead!

May you live and lead every day with intention and by design,

Don Blohowiak

Lead Well® helps organizations to improve measurable results by developing their current and future leaders. For more information, please contact us. By phone, toll-free in the USA: 1-888-LeadWell (532-3935), or 1-609-716-9490. By email, Info@LeadWell.com.

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Don Blohowiak, a management consultant and popular conference speaker, is the author of several business books. The executive director of the Lead Well® Institute in Princeton, NJ, he may be reached at http://www.LeadWell.com/.

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