Deducing Motives

Copyright © 2004 by Don Blohowiak
Don@LeadWell.com www.LeadWell.com

One of the greatest mysteries in the universe is the motivation that underlies the actions of any human being.

Deciphering why someone -- even our own self -- acts the way they do borders on the inexplicable.

Psychologists contend that few of us have any idea about our own motivations. And when we think we know, we're often very wrong. So it's amazing to think that we could intimate the deep-seated motives of others.

Unless you have some divine form of telepathy, it's highly unlikely that you can accurately determine why someone is behaving as they do.

When we're "sure" we know why someone has done something, it is usually because we are confusing our reaction with their intention. Example: Todd's comment embarrasses you, so he must have tried to hurt you.

ACTION to Take

• Monitor your thoughts and speech for signs that you are assuming others' motives. Example: "You are just trying to..." Or, "She intentionally set out to..."



• Listen to whether you say, "you" or "I" more often. If you hear yourself saying, "you, you, you" -- you're likely ascribing motives to others. Perhaps in the form of accusations.



• Practice (and this can require great will power) giving others the benefit of the doubt by assuming good intentions. (See our article on this at: www.LeadWell.com/db/1/4/8/ )



• Make a habit of expressing your own feelings instead of assuming the other person's intent. Example: "When you said 'X' I felt..." This should inspire honest conversations that lead to less miscommunication and more understanding.

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Don Blohowiak, a management consultant and popular conference speaker, is the author of several business books. The executive director of the Lead Well® Institute in Princeton, NJ, he may be reached at http://www.LeadWell.com/.

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Copyright © 2005, Don Blohowiak, Lead Well Institute

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