What's that? Confirm for Understanding

Copyright © 2004 by Don Blohowiak
Don@LeadWell.com www.LeadWell.com

Ever been in one of those places where the public address system was simultaneously unbearably blaring and completely incomprehensible?

While returning from a client engagement recently, I stood at an airport gate with a couple hundred fellow passengers all totally bewildered as to what the extremely loud announcement was trying to tell us.

A spontaneous chorus erupted among us weary travelers. What was that? What'd she say? What are we supposed to do?

Our own managerial announcements can be like that. Private on-the-job conversations can be like that. Casual exchanges at home can be like that.

Messages that are sent "loud and clear" aren't always received that way.

I once saw a profound, on-point two-word guiding principle displayed on a manager's desk, literally engraved on a plaque. It declared: Assume nothing. To effectively communicate, especially given the fast pace of everything in today's world, it's a good idea to take a few seconds to confirm that your message was received as intended, and to affirm that the message you just heard is what the sender meant for you to get. In our home, we've made it a habit to ask, in a neutral tone of voice:

• What do you mean by [repeat a phrase you just heard]?
• Was that humor?
• Are you being sarcastic? [I'm afraid I'm directly responsible for that one. But since we've adopted this confirmation technique, the question has to come up far less often.]

Clarifying by asking beats the heck out of fighting because of misunderstanding.

Many more examples of clarifying questions—suited to business conversations (along with other ideas about how to listen effectively)—can be found in my article decrying the pathetically ineffective phrase "What I hear you saying is..."

If you'd like to confirm, clarify, or even condemn anything you find on this site, drop a line.

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Don Blohowiak, a management consultant and popular conference speaker, is the author of several business books. The executive director of the Lead Well® Institute in Princeton, NJ, he may be reached at http://www.LeadWell.com/.

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Copyright © 2005, Don Blohowiak, Lead Well Institute

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